My Struggle to be in the Present Moment
The idea and skill of living in the present moment is popularly recognized as desirable in order to live an engaged, more wholesome life with less suffering. There is also ample research from multiple academic disciplines that demonstrates this reality. However, for many people, it is a deceptively difficult task whose value is often forgotten when life gets hectic. It is worth considering what barriers might exist to being present with oneself and the world. In this article, I will share some of my personal struggles along with seemingly prevalent barriers to remain in the here and now.
The biopsychosocial (BPS) model, considering biological/medical factors, psychological ones, and social/environmental ones, is a useful orientation from which to consider this topic. For some people, the way their brain is “wired” and can make it easier or more difficult to live in present moment. That is, some people have medical or mental illness barriers to remaining in the present moment. For example, I have Tourette’s disorder and OCD. Essentially, these ways of being tend to distract me from being connected with the present moment, due to compulsions which are somewhat involuntary. It can become a vicious loop in trying to ignore the compulsion, because although doing so may seem like it could help one attend more easily to the present moment, my brain/system seem to value compulsory movements and ensuring my thoughts are “in order” over the diverse, valuable external and internal experiences that come with being mindful.
The third part of the BPS model in relation to this subject is fairly straight-forward; we all have stressors and difficult situations that deter us from living in the present moment, given the varying necessities to address the situation. For example, I have two young sons, ages 6 and 3; I think I have conveyed now enough about the situation that you may understand after these few words (haha!). But whatever external stressful situations are threatening to affect your well-being, they can inherently make it difficult to live in the present moment, given that stress, fear, anxiety, and other uncomfortable emotions can make it challenging to stay in the present moment.
In this article, though, I want to focus on the second part of the BPS model, the psychological, and how our patterns of cognition, whether conscious or less so, can make it difficult to be present. There are a plethora of psychological themes that can interfere with our being present with our minds and world, and I will try to describe a few of them on a more personal level in order to give a concrete, more tangible sense of potential barriers. One overarching barrier that interferes with living in the present has to do with the narrative we tell ourselves, about ourselves. That is, some of us, myself included, consciously or subconsciously are often communicating to ourselves that we “should be” otherwise, whether more energetic or enthusiastic. We may hold unachievable high standards for ourselves in a perfectionist way, for sometimes difficult to ascertain reasons. For some it may be a result of internalization of values and beliefs of those we grew up with, often referred to as core beliefs, which are what we come to believe about ourselves and the world, formed by what happens to us in childhood, that come to significantly affect our perspective and thinking patterns. For others, the influences may be on a more macro scale, in identifying with Western cultural values that prioritize productivity and constant progress, which can also negatively affect our willingness and ability to accept the reality of and be with the present moment, accepting it regardless of the story we are telling ourselves. For example, I grew up playing organized sports, which had many physical and mental benefits in both the short and long term. However, whether I have distorted the values conferred to me through this involvement or whether they are more objectively out of sync with the priority of living in the present moment, I came to believe (at least in part) that in many situations I needed to be in a certain “zone”. That is, I thought that in order to achieve success in sports or life, it was not enough to be who I was in that moment, but that I needed to be more energetic and enthusiastic in order to be accepted. This mode was reinforced over the years with explicit and implicit feedback that suggested that this way of being was the best way to be. While there is certainly value in being enthusiastic or energetic or positive, being otherwise, or even on the other end of the spectrum, might not always be less than. It has been this misconception that has contributed to my difficulty in acknowledging and processing those less comfortable emotions. (I acknowledge here also that OCD tendencies do influence my desire/compulsion to comply with norms and perceived expectations). In a shorter way of expressing, my participation in athletics, along with the myriad benefits, may have, in combination with my psychopathology, have made it difficult to be accepting of myself and situation in the present.
In this brief article, I have highlighted a few of the many potential barriers to engaging in the present moment, which of course are important to consider because they detract from the numerous mental and physical benefits of living in the now. One of the purposes of highlighting these themes is to encourage readers to question the extent to which they are living in the present moment, and to examine what might be in the way of doing so. For many of us, this effort is ongoing, and may continue to consume a fair amount of our internal resources, until ideally living in the present moment becomes more of a pattern and requires less effort to be this way. I hope that these few examples and points can incorporate even a few more people and ideas into this important discussion. In one sense, in a world where so much is outside of our control and influence, one area we can try to exert more influence over is how we show up to the present moment, regardless of your past or what lies ahead. It takes courage to embrace this philosophy, and to loosen the grip on our worries about the future or regrets from the past, but my experience from when I can be this way, is that it results in a better life with more well-being and less suffering.
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